Recently I have found that at the end of the day, I’m pretty ridiculously exhausted. Now, you might suspect that it has something to do with the almost 3 month old twin boys that have moved into our home. Don’t get me wrong- they do contribute to the busy-ness and sometime “chaos” that exists here, but they’re not my most demanding situation. You might think it has something to do with our family’s transition into the realm of school aged children. Having a Kindergartener means getting out of the house by 7:50 every morning, lunches packed and often an afternoon of homework… but that’s not my biggest struggle, either.
My biggest parenting struggle these days stems from my interactions with my sweet little 3-year-old princess…the problem is that sometimes she acts just like a princess, making demands and throwing a fit when things don’t go her way. Her sense of entitlement is often mind-boggling, especially considering we don’t usually let her call the shots. But, she tries anyway. Recently during dinner, I told Kate that she couldn’t have another dinner roll until she ate her vegetables (I’m such a mean Mom!). She decided she was no longer hungry, so I informed her (as we always do) that she doesn’t have to eat the food on her plate, but that there will be no snacks or dessert until she does. She nodded and went to play. A few minutes later, I see her sitting back at the table with us eating a dinner roll!!! I made her give me the half of the roll she had in her hand and reminded her that she would not be eating a roll until she finished her vegetables. She smiled at me, pointed to her mouth, and said “Well, I’m eating some of it”… Seriously? It was all I could do to keep from making her spit it out into my hand. Reece told me that it might have been a little over the top if I had… haha 🙂
Parenting a preschooler is hard. At the end of some days, I feel like I’ve been pushed around by a three-year old all day. I feel like I am constantly asking her “Are you in charge?” I probably ask her 100 times a day! It feels like I’m at war!!! Just when it seems we’re advancing, the opposition sneaks up on us and sabotages our efforts. I’m definitely at war, but, I’m not at war AGAINST her- I’m at war FOR her. Let me explain…
Children are proof that we are all born selfish. I don’t care what you say, every child’s main objective is to meet their own needs and wants. At any given point, our six year old is trying to figure out how and when he can play video games again. Once he told me that he loves me “20”, but that he loves video games “100”…what?!?! There are any number of opportunities for our children to have selfish hearts and there are any number of people and situations who might try to convince us that we all need to take care of ourselves before we think of others. The world tells us we have to fight for what we want! Now, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t teach our kids to have boundaries or to stand up for themselves, but I don’t want my kids to go out into the world with mean and selfish hearts. I want them to leave our home as well-balanced adults who genuinely care about people. I want Kate to be the kind of person who looks beyond outward appearances and circumstances. I want her to see and love others for who they really are. I want her to step aside and let someone else go first. I want her to give freely when she sees someone who has a need. I want her to know the joy of being a light in a dark place… of being the hands and feet of God in the world around her. I realize this is what almost every parent wants for their child, but it won’t come easily. I’ll have to fight for it.
We have to fight with her and for her. We have to fight for her heart. We have to fight for her heart, because no one else will. In fact, I think it’s probably our most important task as parents. To love our children enough to fight for them. To love them enough to really teach them, rather than just getting frustrated. To be strategic in discipline and correction, rather than just throwing down punishment because we’re annoyed. To pray for God’s help in raising them, rather than just crossing our fingers and hoping really hard. Being a bad parent is really easy. It’s not hard to throw up my hands or decide that “nothing works” when it comes to discipline and correction. Its much easier to blame everyone and everything around me for my child’s behavior. It’s so easy to focus all of my effort on “behavior management” and never realize that the root of the problem is a selfish or angry heart. The Bible says “out of the heart, the mouth speaks”…I couldn’t agree more. If Gavin and Kate are fighting over a toy (which they often do), it’s because they are both being selfish and uncaring about what the other person wants. If I step in only to decide who gets the toy, I’m missing the bigger issue. I’m missing an opportunity to teach them about generosity and kindness to others. Rather than just teach them how to share, I want to teach them to want to share. I want them to learn empathy and compassion…
I dont want to mess this up. It matters too much. Oh, I realize that there will be lots of things we do wrong as parents. But I dont want to make the mistake of giving up. I dont want to waste this time we have with them. They live in our home for just a season. We’ll blink and they’ll be grown. So, I’ll keep fighting this war WITH and FOR my little Kate. Because, I know that if we keep fighting for her heart, its a win for all of us. And not just for us, but for every person she meets.
I love that girl. She makes me laugh with her funny expressions and the things she says. She is so curious and finds just about everything fascinating. Her spontaneous “I love you” can melt my heart in a moment. She is strong, but strength with self-control is great! She is determined, but determination with compassion is great! She is truly beautiful, but real beauty has more to do with her heart than her face. I love Kate and couldn’t be more grateful that God gave her to us. I’m trusting Him to guide our steps and I can’t wait to see and know the woman she becomes 🙂
the mashaws 